Shout out to all my straight sisters I’m so sorry 😞
Jesus, leave his ass.
We learn fast to be very kind and attentive, tho.
My mom, who got her degree in Marriage and Family Counseling when she was 60, says studies show that women will sometimes sometimes leave a long term relationship to live on their own for a while before seeking a new relationship, but men will almost never leave a long term relationship without having a new relationship either in progress or just beginning. They don’t want to give up the caretaker they have without another one on deck or in the wings.
This is so sad
This isnt cute or quirky. This means hes a fucking hopeless user
Please date a man who actually acts like an adult.
Ok I lived with my ex for 2 years and he literally wouldn’t be able to get his own food if I wasn’t at home, I’d get home from work and he’d be angry at me for “making him starve”
My current partner has lived on his own for 8 years and the absolute most I have to help him with is maybe sending him $20 so he can make a bill payment on time
It made me realise for 2-4 years I wasn’t a girlfriend I was a fucking mother
Men who have been independent are capable of reverting if given the slightest excuse. When we married, my ex husband was 10 years older than me and had lived on his own for 8ish years. Yet (and I allowed this until I finally got fed up and took us to counseling) I did 80% of the cooking, because I was better at it. Same with the cleaning, shopping, social planning, etc.
After I left, in the first six months I got texts or calls asking me to please tell him:
The online banking password (dude, I left you, you should really change that)
Where I ordered his special-wecial organic underwear
Where the good cutting board was (my dad gave it to us at our wedding, genius, I took it with me along with the rest of the stuff from my family)
What brand butter we bought
What brand of local kielbasa we bought
Who his doctor was
What RMV office had the shortest lines
Where the old tax returns were (in the fucking box labeled tax returns)
The phone number for his best friend
I shit you not.
Then he had a heart attack (mild) and none of his family or friends were around to take him to the hospital. But instead of calling 911, he called me, who by then lived 45 minutes away. He lived 5 minutes from an EMS dispatch location. He called me, despite the fact that he didn’t believe me 8 months prior when I was feeling suicidal and I had to call a cab to go alone to check myself into the hospital for a 72-hour hold. I told him to call 911, hung up on him when he whined about “making a fuss”, called 911, called his siblings and then texted them “your brother is having a heart attack, I called 911 for him, come home,” and washed my hands of it.
Emotionally vacant men who won’t do household labor or emotional labor are not Nazis, but they aren’t good people, either, and you don’t have to put up with their shit.
Millennial women of Tumblr, please read this post.
And then please: make the decision for yourself to never stay with a man who expects you to be his mother and servant.
“Ew you’re an adult why are you in fandom” Kid, if being mocked for fandom shit wasn’t enough to stop me when I was an actual 15 year old, hearing it from a 15 year old when I’m 30 is genuinely hilarious
mmm this post makes me. Uncomfy. people are allowed to like things with no age limit, but its important to not overstep boundaries and stay in your lane.
and chances are if a teenager is shaming you for being in a fandom, its their way of saying “i dont want you to interact with me. go away.” and thats that. dont try to start an argument or fight because there is a Very obvious power imbalance. just leave them be.
you, and all the other people in the notes saying similar things. you are adults. you hold higher societal power than teenagers and children. teenagers and children sometimes see adults in areas they consider “for their age group only” and their “stranger danger” instincts kick in and they immediately feel like that person is a predator.
its perfectly reasonable for those people to want to avoid ppl that are way older than them bc its uncomfortable, and bc theres an obvious power imblance.
like i said before, you are adults. you should know this. dont go off on me saying “what are you gonna? call your momma?” or some shit. dont do that petty shit.
i understand your frustration. but that doesnt mean you dont have to respect other peoples boundaries.
teenagers have time to learn. they have time to grow, and they have time to mature. you did too. show it by not being petty to someone under half your age.
Actually this post started well over a year ago because a fan of my fanfic sent me a glowing message about how good it is (and I write mature content) but then when they went through my blog and discovered that I was 32 and had a kid myself they sent me a rude message telling me that it’s disgusting that I’m still in fandom because fandom is for children and no-one else. This after reading my adult content.
This person literally read my 18+ fanfic on ao3. They came to an adult fanfic space, and then told me I shouldn’t be in fandom because I’m 18+. The point you are making is very valid, but I’ll tell you something in my experience – adults tend to keep to themselves and avoid children in fandom where they are. My main fandom I’ve written, every single friend I’ve made in the fandom is 24+, and the ones who are my fanfic friends in particular are all 30+. Just naturally gravitated towards each other because of mutual interest.
There is a huge wave of puritanical harassment in fandom at the moment (which rose to prominence after I made this post as it happens) where minors go into adult spaces in fandom (on ao3 it warns you and they go past that anyway) and then callout those adults. If you want to talk about ‘staying in your lane’, please take note of this huge anti movement against adult content and tell me who is the one doing so.
This entire thread is full of adults all the way into their 70s who have had young, newer entrants into fandom mock them purely for their age. Ageism in fandom is unbelievably prevalent – younger fans misperceive a lot about their fellow fandom members. Someone commented on this thread yesterday and called tumblr (and by extension, fandom) ‘a place for children’ (largest demographic on tumblr is 18-29 y/o, second is 30-35 so not sure where that perception comes from – my own tumblr blog is over 9 years old and when I first joined it was all early-adopting adults posting images mostly, fandom hadn’t actually made the move over from live journal just yet, though it was beginning) and how this is purely adults ‘circlejerking’ who need to ‘get a real hobby’ and ‘go look after their children or cats or something’. THAT attitude is why I posted it in the first place – the VERY persistent attitude from newer fans that adults don’t belong, aren’t allowed, are creepy and weird merely for enjoying media the same way they do.
We do respect boundaries. We enjoy, we post, we have fun. We tag mature content, because we make it for ourselves and we remember a time where that wasn’t possible and we casually came across adult content and knew it was wrong (the first piece of porn fanfic I came across I was 12 and I backed out of it and didn’t come back for a few years but it was just on a list with other fic, no content rating, nothing). We do not think that younger people don’t deserve to be in fandom – we embrace people joining and loving the things we do. However, when so many, many people on this post share the same experience of having been on the end of the same attitude and behaviour, you need to listen and see that there is a problem. Ageism is rife in fandom, because of the perception that enjoying media enough to want to connect with others about it is ‘just for kids’ the way cartoons are ‘just for kids’ and anime is ‘just for kids’. It’s not. It’s for everyone.
When I was younger, the idea of being in fandom (and especially a woman in fandom – there was mainstream male nerdism and then female nerdism and especially queer nerdism was quite underground, still, in 1997) and writing fic and (lesserly) fanart was seen as strange – my peers made fun endlessly and I had no real life peers who had any interest in fandom the way I did. However, I kept going. Now fandom is mainstream accepted, to the point that voice actors in some fandoms casually name ships for the fandom to use! But now, as an older fan, the mocking comes from younger fans who see adults in fandom as weird, perhaps because they feel that the fandom belongs to them? I don’t know. I’ve never understood the malice that goes into when younger fans make fun of older fans, given that we are present and a normal part of fandom, that we create zines and run cons and organise so much of fandom.
What you read in the notes of this post is a large group of people who identify with having been on the end of abuse of some kind. That is something we do not have to put up with, do not have to ‘have patience for’. Coming as a parent, I would never let my kid treat someone like the way many people here have treated other fans – I would reprimand, educate. I’m not perfect though, and sometimes an off the cuff reaction to being made fun of is natural, especially to repeated offences. Expecting adults to put up with this kind of rude behaviour and just sit back and go ‘oh, they’ll learn eventually’ is cruel – you’re asking people who are being purposely marginalised to just shut up and accept it because ‘well, let kids be kids’. We’re not talking about 4 year olds. We’re talking about teenagers, who should know the basics of ‘don’t make fun of someone for simply enjoying something’.
This tiny little post of ‘I’ve put up with being made fun of for being in fandom a lot, if I didn’t give it up then I’m not going anywhere now’ somehow managed to identify with a lot of people, showing that this kind of ageism is widespread and hurtful, but it’s also against a group of people who have put up with it enough in their lives to be resilient and not let it force them out.
as someone who is older… yes to all of this.
It’s also completely hypocritical because who do they think is creating the original canon content in the first place, like, a bunch of tweens are cranking out your favorite TV shows? LOL. No.
Adults can like things, and kids can like things, and they can enjoy the same thing in different ways. That’s really ok.
Schur loved not only the central thesis of “What We Owe to Each Other” but also the book’s title. “It assumes
that we owe things to each other,” he told me. “It starts from that
place. It’s not like: Do we owe anything to each other? It’s like: Given
that we owe things to each other, let’s try to figure out what they
are. It’s a very quietly subversive idea.”
It is, in a way, deeply un-American — an
affront to our central mythology of individual rights, self-interest and
the sanctity of the free market. As an over-the-top avatar of all our
worst impulses, Eleanor is severely allergic to any notion of community.
And yet her salvation will turn out to depend on the people around her,
all of whom will in turn depend on her. What makes us good, Chidi tells
her, is “our bonds to other people and our innate desire to treat them
with dignity.”
Firebird Scratches 